


Like the Sigh of the Wind in the Breath of Her Voice

by AyanoTateyama



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Kagepro spoilers, Spoilers, introspection on the fucked up-edness of kayanoshin triangle, kagerou project spoilers, kano feels sick and uncomfortable and everything is fucked up, spoilers for the deceiving, unrequited maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 09:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1423279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyanoTateyama/pseuds/AyanoTateyama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The name feels foreign and heavy on his tongue, it does not fit his mouth.<br/>But the way she says it, with every letter and every syllable blending one into another,  Shintaro-kun, the breathiness of her voice and the hope in it, quiet and unassuming and shy but vibrant under the surface, it baffles Kano, it makes him nauseous and gives him a headache to think about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like the Sigh of the Wind in the Breath of Her Voice

**Author's Note:**

> pulling an all nighter and wrote this. i am fascinated by the kano/ayano/shintaro thing oh my god. spoilers for the deceiving

It's been two hours now, one of their many practice sessions dragging slowly by. Easy as it sounds, flawlessly imitating someone else is more difficult than Kano expected. And while he likes listening to Ayano's voice, having to copy each of her words again and again until he says it right is like torture. 

"Again, Shuuya." 

"Good morning, Takane-chan!" 

"It still sounds off to me. I think you put too much emphasis on 'chan'." 

"Nee-chan, that's because you hear your own voice differently that anyone else hears it. I'm copying it exactly how I'm hearing it." 

"Well, ok, that is true, but this time try saying it just a bit more slowly!" 

He repeats the phrase, plastering on a smile and injecting delight into his voice. Ever since they started doing this, began practicing, Kano has learned how to tell each emotion in her voice. When she speaks to Takane, when she utters her name, he hears a quiet, calm sort of happiness, like water trickling through leaves after a rain shower, or a creek winding through the forest. It's a fondness that reminds him of Seto sometimes. 

There's a different intonation for each word, for each name and each person she puts so much meaning and depth behind the tone, and though she thinks she can hide everything behind her smiles and her scarf, her voice betrays her. 

There is Haruka, whose last name she loves. ("Kokonose! Kokonose!! Isn't it so cute-sounding, Shuuya?") She calls him Haruka-san mostly, except it is when they are talking about something very serious that she drops the -san. There is a loud type of tinkling in his name, like wind chimes, or salt shakers being shaken, tap tap tap, a constant rhythm to his name. It is melodious and constant and catchy and fun, and it is probably the easiest to say for Kano, thought the effort it expends from him is still great. 

Kano has not practiced with Kido or Seto's names as much, but he feels a peculiar kind of intimacy as he learns how Ayano pronounces their names, their first names. Seto is Kousuke, birds chirping, chittering, hoping from branch to branch in the sun, she calls Seto's name like there is life breathing, moving, living, within the very word. It is exuberant and bright and _there_. Tsubomi is full of life too, but it is quiet, flowers blooming in the shadow of an orchard, the breeze fluttering their stalks. Kano feels weird practicing her name to feel like delicate petals suspended, the only sound being the breeze passing by. 

His own name is one of secrecy, one of hands held in the middle of the night when one of them has a nightmare, soft blankets draped and hair in their face as they embrace each other. He feels comfort when he hears her say his name, like putting on freshly laundered socks or curling up in bed after a long day, the sh-sh-sh in Shuuya both lulling him to sleep and pleading him to keep a secret, while the the -ya is an upturned smile, fondness in a simple syllable. She loves him, him and his siblings, more than anything in the world, he knows this, but it is the disconnect when he feels how she says _his_ name that unnerves him. 

"Ok, now let's practice greeting Shintaro-kun again, Shuuya." 

To him, it sounds ugly, average, boring and chunky and long, _Shin-ta-ro-ou,_ it takes up too much space in his mouth, wastes too much effort on someone who would never deserve it. 

But the way she says it, with every letter and every syllable blending one into another, _Shintaro-kun,_ the breathiness of her voice and the hope in it, quiet and unassuming and shy but vibrant under the surface, it baffles Kano, it makes him nauseous and gives him a headache to think about. There is something small, something tiny hidden in the way she says that name, a seed wanting to sprout but waiting for the sun. 

"Good morning, Shintaro-kun," Kano trails off, glancing down shyly like he has seen Ayano do. The name feels heavy on his tongue, leaden, and he almost can't move his lips to make the sounds. 

When she says that name, (Kano feels the way) Ayano wants to touch the hair on the nape of Shintaro's neck, wants to curl her fingers around the strands and brush her other hand down his cheek. She wants to be close, so so so close, the black of her uniform and the black of his uniform melding together, and Kano is scared, so scared, he is nauseated and horrified and hateful of how close she wants to be with that guy. Every time he repeats the name he feels sick, sick of the intimacy in Ayano's tone and sick of the intimacy he has to feel on his own tongue. 

"Wow, that sounded pretty good Shuuya! I think it sounds exactly like me!" she smiles, clasping her hands together in adoration (of Kano? of _him_??). "But it wouldn't hurt to sound more energetic too, since you sound sorta tired! Try not to force it out, Shuuya, because that is usually the easiest way to notice something is off." 

Kano fakes a smile and tries again, again and again and again and again, until the words merge and melt into a whole, the same way she wants to get so close and so near Shintaro that she feels complete, until his shaky voice betrays no disillusion and nausea and disgust, until Kano can trick himself to feel the same warmth that Ayano feels when she talks of _him_ , the butterflies and the shy smiles and downward glances and slow blinks and affection that she has for him, the same affection that could bloom into something bigger had Ayano had the time and lack of restraint. Kano practices until he can stomp down the sickness in his throat and quell the nausea in his head.


End file.
